I attended an event for one of my friends. Upon arrival, I realized that a girl that I was not too fond of would be attending. You see, I had known this girl since we were kids. We didn’t get along when we first met because she was one of those girls who bragged about everything she had, and sought attention. As an adult, I found her even more ostentatious, pretentious, and grandiose than she was when we were younger. Only at this point, she was married, a mother, and was dead set on telling everyone about her wonderful husband, how much money they make, how many pairs of Louboutins she owned, and anything else she could brag about.
Anyway, I went to this event for my friend, and when this girl arrived, my guards instantly went up. She went into her spill about her husband, and her career, how much money they make, and how perfect her children are. I just wanted to yell, “SHUT UP! You are not that important.” But, I couldn’t do that. So, I just proceeded to ignore her. I carried on conversations with others, and acted like she wasn’t speaking. But as the night progressed, I found myself being catty. I was intentionally interrupting her when she was speaking; purposely ignoring her attempts to voice her opinions on conversations, making eye contact with one of my friends signaling that I was annoyed. I had fully turned into a mean girl, but I had justified in my mind that it was okay because our personalities didn’t mesh, she was annoying everyone around us, and I just didn’t care for her. I WAS DEAD WRONG!!!!
The next morning, I got up to spend rescued time with Jesus (rescued time is the time where I pray, worship, and write in my journal about my feelings and things in my life that I need to work on. It’s also the time where I devote my whole heart to Jesus and ask him to rescue my heart and make me more like Him). As I got on my knees to pray, I was INSTANTLY convicted about how I had acted the night before. God said, “You can’t pick and choose who to show my love to. By doing that, you mess up what I have birthed in you for the world to see.” He went all to say, didn’t I say in my word “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord?”- Hebrews 12:14 KJV. Didn’t I tell you to love your neighbor as you love yourself? Mark 12: 31
God continued to check me by telling me that sometimes you aren’t going to like everyone’s personality, but there are things that you can learn from each person you come into contact with. For instance, this woman that you aren’t fond of is a wife, and a mother. She cooks all kinds of quirky, interesting meals. She is a homemaker. She’s an author. She’s a blogger. She’s a sweet person. She’s a friend. You are so busy focusing on the negative, but you can actually learn some things from her that can help you grow in certain areas of your life. God’s correction literally blew my mind.
As I sat there being wrecked and checked in God’s presence, I instantly knew that in order for me to be the woman that God has called me to be that inner mean girl in me had to DIE. The reality is that everyone has different personalities. You won’t mesh with everyone that you meet. But, there is one thing that is certain about every person you come across… God loves that person like crazy, just like He loves you. He is crazy obsessed with His children. Just as God loved me enough to correct me (God disciplines those he loves- Hebrews 12:6), defend me, and make me a better person; He loves her enough to defend her too. So, the next time you are in a situation where you want to be mean or catty because your emotions are telling you that you don’t like a person, tell your emotions to have several seats! Don’t let your emotions control you. You have power over them.
Here are a few tips that I’ve learned on how to kill the inner mean girl:
1. Think before you speak. If it’s a mean thought, then don’t say it out loud. If you even think it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings, don’t say it. We were put on this Earth to build each other up, not to tear each other down with our harsh words.
2. When in doubt, just smile. I’m notorious for wearing my emotions on my face. If a person is getting on your nerves, just SMILE. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
3. Try to look for that person’s positive traits and focus on them. Everyone has something positive about them. If you spending time focusing on the positive, you won’t have time to focus on the negative.
4. Say a prayer for patience. God knows when personalities don’t mesh, but He wants you to past the test. Ask him to give you patience when dealing with that person. He will do it. All you have to do is include Him in the situation.
Cheers to killing that inner mean girl, and cheers to a RESCUED HEART,
Chavon C. Williams