Single. It seems to be the six letter word that women hate. To be single to so many women simply means to be alone. No one to take you out on dates, no one to hold you, no one to stay on the phone with all night, no man to go to an event with as your arm candy...no one to complete you or make you whole. Interestingly, because being single is viewed as a plague, so many smart, beautiful, talented, and educated woman are putting up with crap just to say they aren’t alone.
Can I be honest and share a story with you? Like most women, I was terrified of being alone. I was so terrified that at one point I was just willing to settle, and say as long as he has a decedent job and “loves the Lord”, I can make it work. I was even willing to settle for someone that I wasn’t necessarily attracted to thinking that God had forgotten about me, and that if I didn’t make a move then, I was going to always be a bridesmaid and never a wife. Who was I kidding?! The joke would have really been on me. I would have gotten married, and would have been headed for divorce court just as quickly as I said “I DO”…all because I was afraid to wait on God.
So, here’s the story… I met a man. He wasn’t necessarily what I wanted. You see, I had prepared a list for God a long time ago with what I was looking for in a husband. Just a few of the things that I had on my list: Has a real relationship with Christ, not a pretend one (must have the Holy Spirit speaking in tongues), no children, attractive, can provide for himself and his family…etc. This man was already failing some things on my list, but I told myself, “Chavon, you are just being too hard. You will never find anyone that has everything on your list.” So, I began dating him. He was a really great guy, but I always felt in my heart that something was not right about the relationship. I would constantly pray to God to give me an answer about whether this guy was my husband. I would get so frustrated when I felt like God was being silent. Instead of breaking the relationship off at that point, I kept dating this man.
People would say things to me like, “I don’t think he’s the one.” I even had a prophet tell me that I needed to wait on God. But, something in my kept saying, “Oh, they aren’t referring to him. He’s got to be the one. He has a passion and fire for Christ. He’s SAVED! Lord knows that it is hard to find a saved man. If I let go of this one, I will NEVER get married. I’ve just got to hold on. I don’t want to be like so many of the other woman in the church… in their 40s and single!”
God was sending red flag after red flag, but I blindly kept ignoring them, and stupidly praying to God to reveal to me for sure if this man was my husband. I would nit-pick at the way that God was answering me. He wasn’t answering in the way I thought He should answer; therefore, I rationalized that the relationship must be right.
How much more caught up in my own fears and feelings could I be? I was literally praying to God to answer a prayer that He had already answered! However, because my heart didn’t want to deal with the answer or consequences of being alone, I simply ignored Him, pretending that those red flags weren’t answers!
How many of you have prayed for God to answer you, and when He finally did you found every excuse in the book to rationalize, and try to convince yourself that God didn’t answer? You keep asking God the same thing over and over, and He’s answering you, but you are ignoring the red flags.
A substantial amount of time had passed, and I found myself in the same dilemma, dating this guy and not being a 100% sure. Honey, I can tell you right now that if you are dating someone and you don’t have peace about the relationship that is a red flag in itself to exit. Everything that God does is perfect. He is not a God of confusion. Finally out of frustration, I said to God, “Please reveal if this is your best for me, and if this is your plan for my life. This time, I will listen, and I will obey.” The amazing and gracious thing about God is that even though He had been answering me all along, He loved me enough to show me again that this was not who He had for me. This last time I listened, told my emotions to have several seats, and exited the relationship.
God reminded me of the list I made and He said, “Chavon, you asked me for some things, but you never gave me a chance to give you what you asked for.” That literally wrecked me. We are so quick to ask God for things, and when he doesn’t do it in our time, we try to conjure up our own blessing. It never works!
My sister, if you are in a relationship and you don’t have peace, if that relationship is pulling you further away from Christ instead of pushing you closer to Him, if there are red flags, if you are only with him out of fear of being alone, it’s time to run. God loves you too much to let you settle for less than His best for you. You have to get out of your own way and allow Him to do His job in your life. Being single is not the end of the world. There is a reason why you are single. God wants you all to Himself. He wants to dance with you for a while, until He sees fit to let the perfect one cut in. He wants to love on you. He wants to make you whole. He wants you to know that your worth is in Him, and not a man. Don’t face every day of this season with drudgery and misery, but face it with joy, because He is preparing you for your husband.
The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:34 that the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, but that when she is married she cares about the things of the world and how she may please her husband. I don’t know about you, but that verse blesses my spirit. It just mesmerizes me that God is so obsessed with me that he’s just not willing to share me yet! Same with you! He loves you so much that if He has to share you with someone, He wants that mate to be perfect for you. He is unwilling to let his precious gold be compromised.
Be encouraged love, and know if God is asking you to give up something, it’s only because he has BETTER.♥
Cheers to a Rescued Heart,