I recently took a trip to Scottsdale, Arizona for a women’s legal event. I must admit that I was not looking forward to going at all! I was going to be in a room full of female lawyers who had been practicing their glorified "all about me speech." I was going to have to network, smile, and endure the countless stories of women who are great lawyers and who have husbands and children who are just fabulous. I was not in the mood to pretend like I was interested in their stories about their wonderful lives, including their children and their husbands. Especially, when I’m 28, single, struggling with being an attorney and the word children seems like a foreign language. Cheers to a fun 3 days, right?
I arrived in sunny Scottsdale, and was taken aback by the beauty of the mountains, breath-taking sky, and amazingly pure, humidity-free air. I thought, “I can do this. I can put my big girl pants on, better yet, my lawyer pants on and conquer this event.”
I walked into the first event of the day and sure enough there was a large room full of 200 plus women. I sat next to a middle age woman from Florida, who was a partner at a law firm there. She wasn't friendly at first; in fact she was rather disgruntled. In retrospect, I understand why. As the first seminar speaker- a former President for McDonald’s- began to talk about how she started her career, I couldn't help but glance at the woman next to me. She had been typing away on her laptop and continuously checking her emails from the moment I sat down next to her. We were supposed to be taking a break from work to be empowered, to learn, but I was reminded that being glued to a laptop and constantly checking your iPhone to respond to e-mails is simply the life of a lawyer. I was suddenly disheartened and reminded of my fate in this profession. I let out a huge sigh and proceeded to check my own dozens of e-mails and respond.
The first speaker was finished and I put down my phone to talk to a woman from South Carolina. She began to tell me about her two daughters and her husband. Ten minutes went by and I realized that I had hardly said a word, and she was still talking about her two kids. I knew everything about those girls, from their favorite colors to their personalities (one’s bossy and aggressive, the other is extremely timid). I noticed that the woman was awkwardly glancing at my ring finger. I knew what she was thinking, but thankfully she didn't ask about my non-existent husband or children. I politely excused myself to listen to the next speaker, while thinking, “Jesus, is this part of your plan…just to remind me of all the things that are wrong in my life?”
The next speaker was phenomenal. She was an image consultant who talked a great deal about discovering your personal brand and finding happiness and success in your personal and professional life. Her seminar was so riveting that I was extremely overcome with emotion, to the point where I had to get out of that room fast. My heart was so heavy that I just wanted to cry. Cry because even though I was so blessed to have this career, and blessed to have many things form the Lord, I just felt like I was lacking. I felt empty.
A friend of mine told me about a prayer mountain in Phoenix. Apparently, people climb to the top of this mountain, pray and get their prayers answered. I was desperate and figured after the emotional rollercoaster I had that day I didn't have anything to lose by going to the mountain. I excitedly thought about all the things I would dump on God and get answers to. When I arrived at the mountain, I just stood there looking at it. Did I mention to you that I am deathly afraid of heights? I started thinking maybe this was a bad idea. But, again what did I have to lose, besides my life, and at that moment, that wasn't so scary because at least I would be doing it to get to Jesus lol (totally a joke, I am not suicidal).
So, I began to climb the mountain. I didn’t make it all the way to the top, but I stopped at a very high point and stood there overlooking Phoenix. Instantly, the tears just began to roll down my face. All the things that I thought I would say didn’t come out. All I managed to say was, “Jesus, I really need your help.” As I stood there telling Jesus that I need His help, I didn’t hear His voice, there wasn’t even a miraculous sign. But, there was a peaceful calm, and a little ray of sunshine that broke through the clouds, and suddenly my problems seems so small in the presence of the Almighty God.
I told you that story to say that whatever your struggle is, whatever mountain is towering over you, take it to Jesus. Sometimes we don’t have the words to say, and the hurt we are experiencing is so in-explainable, but God knows and understands. The crazy thing is that He cares about everything you are dealing with, even the smallest things like what you are going to eat, where you are going to live, or how you perform at your job. That’s why He tells us in Proverbs 3:6 to acknowledge Him in all our ways and he will direct our paths. He cares about it all. God sees every tear, he knows every struggle and he has all the answers. It’s true that He may not answer right away or when we want Him to answer but eventually He comes to our rescue. That is why he commands us to trust Him. Trust Him with tears streaming down your face, trust Him when life seems impossible, and trust Him when everything around you says you will die in your situation. Surely, you will not die! Each trial you go through makes you patient, and you will come out of your test stronger, wiser, and more confident.
Isaiah 26:3 AMP says, “You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.” That scripture gives me strength every time I read it. I hope it helps you too.
So, I didn't get an answer that day on the mountain, but I got some rest, renewed faith, and renewed hope in Christ. Our hope and trust must confidently be in him that he cares about our feelings. If you can, please take a moment right now and find a quiet place, close your eyes and tell Jesus you need him. Just sit there for a moment, and allow him to give you rest and a renewed faith to continue facing life. He yearns to restore you, and rescue your broken heart.
God is totally, unequivocally obsessed with you,